On a
cold and blustery Saturday, I was about to leave a large event to begin a road trip with one
daughter when I noticed that the other daughter was not wearing a jacket. I did
the motherly thing: I removed my jacket and put it around my younger daughter's
shoulders. My husband said, "You'll need that." I responded,
"We're stopping by the house on our way, so I'll get a different
one."
I had
the brief premonition: I may never see this jacket again.
Why? The
shoulders around which I wrapped the jacket belong to my most creative,
free-spirited child. Along with those wonderful traits come others that aren't
always so wonderful, including a bad habit of not putting things away.
It was
my favorite jacket. I don't shop much (in fact, I rather dread the process), and I generally don't place high value on clothing. This jacket just happened to be in good
condition, a gift from my mother, of high quality, and attractive (in my
opinion). All these thoughts breezed through my mind for a fleeting moment, but
I still hugged my daughter good-bye and didn't hesitate to leave the jacket
around that precious child.
Two days
later, I was going to head out for a walk while waiting for a child to finish
dance class. The weather was again brisk, so I inquired about the jacket while
we finished up dinner. My youngest child froze with her fork half-way to her
mouth. "I'm not sure where it is," she said. "I'm not sure it
made it home," my husband added.
I found
myself reacting in a way that surprised me. I was upset. It was mostly
internal, but my family could definitely tell.
I asked
questions. I expressed my disappointment. The jacket had been left at a very
large public event over 48 hours prior to this dinnertime conversation. I
didn't expect to see it again.
I
was surprised at (and ashamed of) the sense of loss I felt.
I texted
the woman who had been in charge of the event, describing the jacket, inquiring
whether anything like it had ended up in lost and found. No, nothing like that
had made it to lost and found.
"Maybe
I left it in the children's game area," my daughter offered, mentioning that was where she last remembered it.
I
thought to myself that there was no way no one would have noticed it during the
clean-up process.
I
decided it was lost.
My
daughter pointed out how very long she had managed to NOT lose the jacket throughout that day.
I was
not consoled.
As we
tidied up the kitchen after dinner I ran through Scriptural truths in my mind:
It all burns in the end. A generous man will prosper. Do not loan anything
expecting anything in return.
Somehow,
I still felt upset. This actually compounded the problem, because I was now
feeling guilty for feeling bad about something so temporal. Wasn't I more
spiritually mature than that?
I found
something else to wear for my walk. The skies were gray, the air chilly. I
dropped off my daughter at dance class and then headed out for my walk, but I
first grabbed my verse pack from the front seat. I planned to review Scripture
while I walked.
And
there it was: "Good will come to the man who is generous and lends freely,
who conducts his affairs with justice (Psalm 112:5)."
The
truth washed over me like a tidal wave, knocking me to my figurative knees.
(After all, I was on the road.)
It was
exactly what I needed.
And,
wouldn't you know it, the clouds parted and the sun shone down upon me. (I'm
not kidding.)
"I
hear You," I said with a smile. "Thank You."
I was
filled with peace.
What
made the difference? What was the point?
I knew
other verses on the topic where I was struggling. Sometimes that is enough.
Often that is how the breakthrough happens. This time, it was inadequate for me.
Psalm
112:5 was a verse I had just written down two days prior. It was actually
assigned to me to memorize (through the ministry where I serve). It wasn't on
my radar at all--until it entered into God's perfect timing in reaching
me.
This
incident was a clear example of how we need to continually be in God's Word. I
have many verses memorized from the past. I am very familiar with most of the
Bible. But I don't remember all of it all the time. I need the Holy Spirit to
bring continued revelation. And that's going to happen more efficiently if I am
actually in God's Word.
If I
hadn't picked up that verse pack, I might have continued to grumble
inside.
I might
have missed the chance to teach my children through my own trial.
When my
youngest daughter came out of her dance class, I immediately shared what God
had done in my heart.
The next
night, I shared with my family this story and how God had helped me work
through my dissatisfaction. They rejoiced with me. And my husband recalled,
"Oh, they found your jacket!"
I
laughed, "Funny, I had completely forgotten about it."
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