An Impossible Proposal

One Sunday when I was in junior high, our teacher attempted to teach us about Ephesians 5. When the whole concept of wives submitting to their husbands came up, my friend Jeff laughed aloud, “Like Steph would ever submit to a husband!”

To my shame, I sat up a little straighter in my seat. “That’s right,” I thought to myself. The concept of submission sure didn’t sound appealing to me.

The truth was that submission was actually scarier than it was unappealing. I grew up witnessing two tumultuous marriages up-close. With my mother married to an alcoholic the first time around, and an abuse survivor the second, submission looked pretty vulnerable.

I had a long way to go before even marriage would look like a good thing to me.

Fortunately, God was actively involved in my life.

I could tell you a long story about how God moved me toward the idea of marriage, how He healed my heart and gave me hope, how He taught me truth. And maybe I will share those stories someday. But today I’m going to focus on the little miracle God gave me in order to guide me to my husband.

I had lots of very close guy friends. I was even interested in dating some of them. But once they would start hinting around at something, my instinctive response was usually to bolt. I came up with some excuse to sabotage things.

By the time Tom Yeakley shared about the Impossible List (see http://thebookoflifeblog.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-impossible-list.html?spref=fb), I was ready to trust God with this area of my life. I wrote on my list, “That I would know the man I am to marry by the way he proposes to me.” And I actually wrote down a specific way he would propose!

Looking back, I am almost stunned by the boldness of that, but God is in the business of accomplishing the impossible, and He is patient with His children.

So I began praying this request in faith, and I continued to live my life in pursuit of Christ.

Shortly after writing my Impossible List, I left Minnesota to serve at a camp in Michigan. An old friend and mentor of mine, Aaron, had been attempting to recruit me for years. I finally agreed to serve there, knowing it was God’s plan for that summer. Aaron was the program director at the camp and became my supervisor as I helped lead the summer camp staff team.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that things were different between me and my old friend. And, true to Stephanie form, I was resistant. Aaron was one of the people I most respected in the world, and, in fact, I had been praying for his future wife for years, but I was uncomfortable with his attention (while also feeling drawn toward a different kind of relationship with him).

By the end of the summer, God and Aaron had their way, and we began to date. We had known each other for six years. Aaron returned to seminary in Chicago, and I returned to the University of Minnesota.

We were diligent in our long-distance relationship, and Aaron came to visit as often as he could.

One evening as we were enjoying each other’s presence I said something about how things seemed to feel so “right” between us. He responded, “Almost like predestination.” Then he quickly said, “Oh, that wasn’t very romantic!”

I said, “For me, that was just right!” This young woman who was so crazy-fearless in so many areas of life was terrified about marriage, so the idea that we were meant for each other was exactly what I wanted to hear.

But that also brought me to what I began to grapple with: is there really one person for me, or are the options wide open? Should I be praying this crazy prayer? I’m falling in love; what if he doesn’t propose in the way I’m praying?

I thought I had plenty of time.

That December, I traveled with my father to Peru. On the way back, I was going to have a layover in Chicago, so Aaron suggested I stay in Chicago with some female friends of his, and that we drive together to Minnesota for Christmas (our families lived about 30 minutes apart).

We made those plans.

On my first full day in Chicago, everything seemed blissful. I worked on things for the camp where we served while he was at work. When he returned to his apartment (he had a roommate--for those of you who are wondering about decency), he was actually taken aback when he saw me, saying I looked so beautiful.

We headed out to a nice supper. On the way there, my organized man began to tell me all his plans for the evening, including the fact that we were going to stop for fuel after supper (which was actually going to be his last-ditch phone call to ask my father for my hand in marriage, since he had not been successful in reaching him).

When we got to the restaurant, everything was delightful. We had a lovely meal. We enjoyed the atmosphere. The evening was going perfectly.

We headed back to his apartment, where I sat on the couch reading while he nervously did things around the apartment. Finally, he sat down on the opposite couch and exhaled loudly. He started a conversation, but I interrupted, “Wait – I just have a few paragraphs left and I will finish this book!”

“Well!” he said and headed out of the room again (not in a huff, but I can imagine the nervousness). He returned with his Bible. When he saw me close my book, he began reading. I named the reference. He turned to another page. I named that reference. We began to play a little game and I got them all right – including obscure passages in Numbers and Leviticus. I do memorize Scripture, but I assure you that I’m not that good! God’s hand was on our evening.

Then Aaron began reading a passage about a king and wine and things I did not recognize. I was stumped.

He worked his way across the room and was on his knees before me, finally having reached verse 10 of Proverbs 31 (you’ll have to check out the passage). He proceeded to read the verses about the virtuous woman, and began telling me all the ways that I was this woman, and that he had never met another like me.

I, in my insecurity, blocked him out, telling myself I should be the one saying nice things to him, etc. My thoughts were interrupted by Aaron’s words, “That is why I’m asking you, ‘Will you marry me?’”

I was stunned—totally unprepared. The thought had never crossed my mind that he would ask me anytime soon.

What did I do? I retreated to my thoughts once again. And then I said, “May I ask you a question?”

Yes, this analytical girl had the fleeting, silly idea of asking this man his thoughts on whether there was one person intended for me or whether I had free will in the matter. When I heard his shaky “yes…” and looked into his nervous face, I realized that this was probably not the time.

I got on my knees too and gave him a hug, calling out to God inwardly, “What do I do?” My heart wanted to say yes, but what about my impossible prayer request?

And then it hit me.

Before supper, Aaron had prayed, “Lord, be with us tonight in all that we do. Be at the center of everything. Guide us in any decisions we make. We want to glorify You with our whole lives.”

At the time, I had thought, “Wow – chicken or shrimp? He is sure being intense!” But now I knew!

I had been praying that I would know the man I was to marry by the way he would propose to me. So I would know we would have a Christ-centered marriage, I wanted him to pray with me about the decision before proposing—without ruining the surprise!

And that is exactly what Aaron Ziebarth had done.

So I put on that ring, Aaron asked if that meant “yes,” and the rest is history.

The Lord doesn't do this for everyone. He doesn’t need to. But for this wounded daughter of His, He knew the hairs on my head and the fears in my heart. So He did the impossible for me.

And, 18 good years later, I’m still so glad He did. 

Aaron and me in Michigan the summer we started dating.