Bad birthdays

A friend of mine marked his birthday a few days ago. His seven-year-old son passed away two nights prior. Somehow “happy birthday!” did not quite seem to fit the occasion.

Earlier this year, I experienced probably my worst birthday ever (for reasons that do not remotely compare with my friend’s loss). My whole family knew my misery, so when greeting after greeting proclaiming something like, “Hope this is the BEST birthday EVER!!!” scrolled by on my Facebook page, my older daughter looked up at me with a pitiful expression that conveyed, “Ironic, eh?”

I knew the greetings were all coming with good intentions, but it was a little like pouring salt on a wound.

I do realize “happy birthday” is the tried-and-true, standard birthday greeting in our culture. Most often, I use it. But a slew of loved ones celebrating hard birthdays after my own miserable one has gotten me thinking more consciously about something that has been floating around in my mind for years.

Beyond saying, “happy birthday,” I tend to be pretty careful.

For one, I try to avoid nurturing self-centeredness, because we really don’t deserve anything, as the common birthday greeting goes. And the more we think we do deserve a great birthday celebration, the more disappointed we’ll be when something more urgent comes along—or if our day just doesn’t go as hoped.

If I’m going to expand on a simple birthday blessing, I usually try to encourage gratitude. Something along the lines of, “May you be filled with gratitude as you celebrate another year of life today,” might show up in my greeting.

But, as implied, I usually try to keep my greetings a simple birthday blessing, choosing a Bible verse that fits the person. So you might get, “Happy birthday, _____! Be blessed by Psalm 9:10 today,” or something like that. And I do put thought into the chosen verses.

After all, these days of celebration are not all about delicious desserts and warm, fuzzy feelings. They are about celebrating a person, celebrating life, expressing appreciation. They mark the passage of time.

So, on your next birthday, may you be enriched in spirit, rather than in pocketbook. May you rejoice in the milestones of life, rather than the length of your Facebook feed.  And may you be blessed with gratitude much more significantly than gifts.

Even if your bad birthday can’t be happy, may it be blessed.