Melissa's friends lead the way

These lovely young ladies will meet again in heaven. Melissa Collins is on the far right. 

The murder of local teen Melissa Collins has deeply affected her entire community (http://www.heraldmailmedia.com/news/breaking/man-charged-with-murder-of-missing-stepdaughter/article_e97cb1d8-ffab-11e4-8884-2bb6a437c918.html). Her death at the hands of her own stepfather--someone in a role intended to protect her--is a prime example of evil in the world. For those who know her, the pain is almost overwhelming.

Melissa was in the 4.12 Leadership Training Program at Joy El (http://joyelgeneration.org/), where my family serves. She was a five-year student, set to graduate from the program on Thursday, May 21—the very day her murder came to light.

The 100 students in the 4.12 program spend lots of time together—weekends, weeks, whole summers. Some are more involved than others—Melissa among them. These students become best of friends. So Melissa’s initial “disappearance,” followed by the shocking news of her death, was a huge blow to her camp friends.

Thursday was one of the most surreal days of my life. We on the Joy El staff were reeling from the news ourselves—grieving—while also trying to “manage” the crisis on an organizational level. We were fielding constant calls, texts, Facebook messages; orchestrating and implementing a plan to get out the word as sensitively, honorably and effectively as we could. We were checking on students in schools, via phone calls, via their mentors. We were figuring out what to do with the scheduled graduation celebration that night, when Melissa was to be among those sharing her testimony and being honored for her five years of hard work and ministry. We were personally calling all those who had stated they would be in attendance.

In the midst of the constant activity, there were pauses for prayer and tears—and sometimes they weren’t pauses. For many, the prayer and tears were just flowing along with the activity.

We turned the graduation celebration into a time of grieving. Anyone connected to Melissa (primarily through Joy El) was welcome to meet at our worship center to grieve, pray, cry, laugh, and remember. It turned into a beautiful evening.

One of the many highlights of the evening came during a group prayer time. There was certainly prayer for justice on Thursday. But there was more than that. These wonderful teenagers began praying for their friend’s killer. They prayed that Ernie Chase would repent, that he would find God, and that he would receive forgiveness. The evening was a bittersweet time of fellowship and prayer for those who loved Melissa.

Then Friday was another hard day (there are many yet to come). When the chilling details of Melissa’s death came to light (http://www.heraldmailmedia.com/news/local/court-documents-hagerstown-teen-beaten-strangled-to-death-by-stepfather/article_e066d724-008f-11e5-b37b-8bd941cf5ec9.html), those who loved her had more to process.

I had mixed feelings about sharing those details with my children, who all knew Melissa (my older daughter more than the other two). Of course I wondered whether it was too much. Yet, thanks (and no thanks) to social media, I knew they would find out eventually, so I waited for the natural time with each of them.

For Abigail, my older daughter, that time came last night as she drove up to camp, with me in the passenger seat beside her.

“Tell me,” she said. “I’m going to hear it anyway.”

So I told her.

And after she had heard that Melissa’s stepfather had strangled Melissa, dragging her down to the basement, where he wrapped a cord around her neck… After Abigail heard that he had gone more than once to make sure she was dead, and that he had moved and hidden her body from the police… This is what she said:

“Cheryl told us a way to get letters to him.” (Cheryl is another of Melissa’s friends.)

“To whom? Melissa’s stepdad?” I asked.

“Yes, we can write him letters and get them to him to let him know we’re praying for him, and that he can find forgiveness in God. Is that OK?”

I paused. I reflected. I processed.

I remembered how I had reacted when I first read the gruesome details of Melissa’s death. I had been like the psalmist, who shared his heart, his anger, his emotions freely with God. I had railed in my grief, “Lord, I am praying for Ernie Chase! I am praying for him because it is the right thing to do! But I am disgusted beyond words by him!”

Melissa’s friends were making plans to write this man letters of encouragement.

I answered Abigail: “Yes, I think that would be wonderful. I think that would be very powerful.” I added, “Just don’t sign your last name.”

So, let us pray for Melissa’s loved ones, especially her families and boyfriend. Let us pray for justice. And let us pray for Ernie Chase.

Finally, let us thank God for the wonderful teenagers in our lives, who sometimes lead the way.   

Melissa would be so proud. 


"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" - Matthew 5:44

This post was initially published at www.echo-pilot.com. 

National Day of Prayer - prayer for families

Lord, we humbly approach you, acknowledging who you are. You are the source of every good thing. You are the source of all our hope, our peace, our joy, our purpose. Lord, we confess that we fall short. I confess that I fall short. Despite our best intentions, we fall shorts as spouses; we fall short as parents. So we are certainly qualified to cry out for mercy. And we do cry out for mercy! Lord, it can be overwhelming to consider the challenges facing our families in America today. But we should not focus on the challenges. After all, you tell us that we cannot add a single hour to our span of life through anxiety. And that each day has enough trouble of its own. Instead, we should focus on following you with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength, as well as loving our neighbors as ourselves. Yet, Lord, we want to acknowledge the gravity of the situation. We want to heed the urgency of the prayer need. I think of Lamentations, where it says: Arise, cry aloud in the night watches. Pour out your heart like water before the presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the life of your little ones. Lord, we do that today. We lift up our hands for the lives of our children of all ages. We lift up our hands to you to save and strengthen our marriages. May we wives support and encourage our husbands, empowering them to lead us the way you want them to lead. May our husbands love us sacrificially—both their wives and children—with the love of Jesus, instilling in us trust and devotion. May our children learn to trust their parents so they can honor them and walk in the ways that will help them thrive spiritually and in their daily lives. And may all of us here set an example for others. We wholly depend on you. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Prayer in response to the Baltimore riots

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2015/04/27/gangs-vow-to-target-police-as-baltiomore-protests-spread/.
See Habakkuk chapter 1 for more guidance as you pray.

“How long, O LORD, must I call for help? But you do not listen! ‘Violence is everywhere!’ I cry, but you do not come to save.” So prayed the prophet Habakkuk thousands of years ago, and similarly do many people pray tonight in Baltimore. LORD, our hearts grieve. We long for peace; we long for justice. We long for brothers and sisters to support each other, rather than harbor suspicion. Purge our hearts of sin and hate, LORD. Purge our communities of injustice and retribution. Protect our police officers. Protect our children. Fill hearts that overflow with violence instead with supernatural peace. Do a work in our day, LORD, to eradicate racism. Begin with us. In the name of the Prince of Peace we pray, Amen.

Good Friday prayer

Jesus, today the skies are gray in our hearts as we consider the sacrifice you made. If we take even a moment to ponder your horrific death at our hands, we must acknowledge the wickedness of our hearts and flesh. Yet you submitted to our demands. You received the punishment intended for us. You experienced your first-ever separation from your Heavenly Father. And you died. We thank you with all our hearts. We thank you by offering our lives to your service in response. And we say on this "Good" Friday that you are the One who is good. You are the One who let your goodness overflow into our lives, paying for our sins, changing our hearts. Thank you for the cross. Amen.

Do you want to be great?

Dave Overholt speaking at the Allegheny conference. Photo by Donnie Rosie. 

Last week I learned of a very helpful exercise in determining how to invest my energy and efforts.

I was attending one day of the Christian Camp and Conference Association's Allegheny sectional (http://mmrm.org/manualcontent/CCCA-Fireside-2015.pdf) and thus got to hear the speaker during one main session.

Dr. Dave Overholt (as you will see on the brochure found at the above link) “is the founding and lead pastor of Church on the Rock (Hamilton, Ontario) which grew out of a cooperative of youth groups. For fun Dave heads up the Youth Family department at Tyndale Seminary, has written several Canadian bestsellers and speaks on the road to thousands each year.”

I had heard from other Joy El staff members (that's where I serve in ministry: www.joyelgeneration.org) that the speaker was good this year, but I got to confirm this Tuesday night.

Dave encouraged and exhorted us. He made us laugh uproariously and pause reflectively. He was scripturally sound and relevant to our audience.

Here is the point he made that will most stick with me:

Dave was once advised to list his activities and demands on his time, and then ask himself, "Do I want to be great at this?"

For example, you might ask,

I like to golf, but do I want to be a GREAT golfer?

I work at a pizza parlor, but do I long to make GREAT pizza?

I'm an accountant, but do I want to be a GREAT one?

I have three children, but do I truly want to be a GREAT mother?

When you find your heart resounding with a genuine “YES!” that is where you invest your energy.

When your response is closer to a shrug, then cross that activity off your list. You may now invest that valuable energy into the other things on your list that ask greatness of you.

As Dave challenged us in this, it resonated with what God has been doing in me. I did an exercise in creating a personal mission statement last year that really helped me better discern where I should be investing my resources (including emotionally). When something fits within my present purpose in life (which is determined by my unique gifting, circumstances and passions), I can more readily agree to opportunities presented to me. When it doesn't, I can decline with more freedom than in past.

Dave seemed to refine this even further for me.

While I have determined based on consistent feedback that I am gifted to teach, when I ask myself, "Do I want to be a GREAT teacher?" I can easily decide that, no, I don't. I will continue to use this gift when presented with opportunities that are clearly from God and relevant to how I'm already serving (such as teaching the Barnabas mentors in the program I coordinate, as well as homeschooling my children), but when asked to speak beyond that, I can be free to graciously decline. Because I know in my heart of hearts that, though I trust God and choose to teach through His power and Spirit, these opportunities are the ones that cause me more stress--only to be relieved when the event is over. Whereas writing is something I look forward to and can brainstorm about at leisure and with pleasure day or night.

(I feel the need to insert a couple clarifications at this point: 1) Prayer should cover this entire process. When presented with teaching opportunities, I will still pray about them, but this practice can help me discern how God is directing me. 2) Our purpose can change over time, so don’t permanently lock yourself into what you believe God is or is not asking you to do. 3) God certainly may ask us to do things outside of our comfort zone and gifting, but that is not usually where He has us for the long-haul.) 

So, especially if you are feeling spread thin, take a moment now to list your responsibilities, opportunities, and interests in life. Turn them into questions that include the adjective "great," pray, and ask God to speak to you.

How should I use my time, God? In what areas do You want me to be great?

^“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him” -1 Timothy 1:12

What ISIS reveals to us

The recent images have been haunting and extremely disturbing:

A young man caged like a beast, about to face a fiery death.

A row of young men on their knees, looking up with a mix of uncertainty, fear and courage—their executioners lined up behind them.

When I learned about Muadh al-Kasasbeh's gruesome death, I was deeply troubled. What could possibly motivate human beings to so callously discount, torture and destroy another person?

Al-Kasasbeh was a son, a husband, a friend, and a man with a bright future.

Why snuff out his life in such a revolting way?

We who don't live in the Middle East might feel pain or fear when we see these images, but we may also feel a little safe being this far away. These martyrs look different from most of us, speak a different language, live close to their enemies.

But this thing I know: we may not live near ISIS, but we are no safer than Al-Kasasbeh.

We might not be as likely (yet) to be dragged from our comfortable homes and workplaces to undignified deaths.

But the evil that compels ISIS is real and has a name: Satan. Satan is the one who can so deceive men that they believe torture and rape are noble and right.

And Satan is not only the enemy of our non-Middle Eastern souls, he is the father of sin, and sin is quite readily available in each of our lives (see Genesis 4:7).

So if there is one thing ISIS has reminded me, it is this: “Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil” (Proverbs 4:27). Because, although sin might look "prettier" in our comfortable, complacent cultures and churches, it is from the same source that fathered ISIS and its barbaric practices. It has come to steal, kill and destroy (see John 10:10), and it will continue to do so unless we--through Christ alone--stop it.

So, hate sin with me, and love Jesus. Forsake fleshly desires and choose righteous ones. Pray on your knees against ISIS and the dark forces in the heavenlies (see Ephesians 6:10-18), and teach your friends and your children that the way we live matters. 

Helping a friend whose spouse is away

One of the best ways to generate ideas for serving others is through recognizing your own needs. If you have a need, it’s likely someone else has the same one.

In recent years, my husband has started traveling regularly for missions. God is using him in powerful ways on the other side of the world. The kids' and my part is to send him with our blessing, to pray, to hold down the home front, and to live honorably while he's away.

That can sometimes be hard.

First of all, let me acknowledge that single parents do this all the time. They need help too. They need an enduring, reliable support system. Some differences between our situation and theirs might be that it is their regular mode of operation, and that they try to not get themselves in over their heads, because they probably know their limits. A two-parent family usually maintains a pace that can be handled with two parents, but is much more difficult to handle when one parent is absent.

So, back to what I’ve been learning: the first time my husband went to Russia for two weeks went great. I could feel the prayers of God's people sustaining us. Friends and acquaintances regularly checked in with me. I had lots of offers for help (which I didn't even need to use). All went smoothly.

The second time my husband went to Russia, I think people forgot about us. Aside from one friend who randomly stopped by to check on us (Thank you, Adam!), I felt alone.

During times like that, I resolve to learn. I decide things like, “When I know someone else in this situation, I will help, because I know how much the encouragement is needed!” And I think of very specific ways to help.

Helping someone in crisis is one thing. I have had to bring a child to the emergency room in the middle of the night while my husband has been out of town (several times, actually). It is not difficult to call a neighbor and say, “Hey, I need to bring my child to the ER. Could you come over and stay with the others while I am gone?” Rarely will someone reject a request for assistance when there is a true emergency.

The times that are a little more difficult involve subtler things, such as loneliness, a loss of perspective, or several days of dealing with cranky, busy kids with no assistance or emotional back-up. When a well-meaning friend says, “Just let me know if you need something,” it's a little hard to say, “Will you just take care of my kids for a few hours so I can find some peace?!” Because you love your children fiercely and this is just life and you wish you weren't such a wimp that you'd need to ask such a silly thing.

So, here is what I suggest if you have a friend whose spouse is away for a prolonged ministry or business trip.

Just help. Don't wait to be asked. Don't put the ball in her court. Consider it your ministry to just bless that family somehow. Here are some practical ideas (not in order of importance):

1.      When can I take you out to breakfast or lunch? I'll arrange a babysitter. You just pick a time.

2.      Which night may I run your kids around for you? I know they're involved in a lot of activities. I'd love to share the taxi responsibility with you for an evening.

3.      I've heard [insert family-friendly movie title here] is really good. I think your kids would enjoy it. May I take them to it? Perhaps you could catch up on some things around the house or have a little break while I enjoy the movie with them.

4.      I've got an online pizza order ready for you. Just tell me what I should enter for a delivery time. (You can do this even if your friend lives far away!)

5.      [Said from the front door:] I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by to see how you're doing. [This may or may not involve holding a loaf of fresh bread, some fruit, or a gallon of soup. However, you don’t have to bring anything. This is what our friend Adam did – just appeared with empty hands – and it blessed the kids and me deeply, as well as my husband.]

6.      I thought I'd call to see how you're doing. When my husband is away, sometimes I just need someone to talk to. I know you can take your concerns to the Lord, but if there is anything you need to just release or talk about, I won't judge. I'll just listen and pray.

7.      Do you want to come over to watch Downton Abbey together? The kids can play together while we drink tea and watch. I'd love to hear what you think of Cousin Isobel’s decision to marry again. [Pick your friend's show, of course!]

Most important, of course: pray. Pray for the spouse who is doing the direct ministry, and pray for the family left behind. Pray for them whenever you think of them. And let them know you are doing so.

Let me finish by stating emphatically: God is enough. He equips those He calls. It’s a privilege to be in a spot of utter dependence on Him to give us our daily encouragement (which is actually our situation every day, whether we are aware of it or not). But He has also created us to be a body—His body. So when we can share the load and function as a body, it is a beautiful thing.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. –Galatians 6:9,10